Reactions to being told that their cousin D was going to read then their bedtime stories:

R: He's really nice! He can't read! (Note: D is a she)
F: I don't want her to READ me a story. I want her to FART me a story!

F (singing): (part that I wasn't paying attention to) ... I love you so. With all my hearts and all my farts, I'll never let you go.
F (not singing): That was a really sad song. It was about somebody who died.

R has finished her ice cream.M has plenty left.

R: Mommy, I want to share with you!

F: Daddy, you need to cut the bread in half when you make my peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
B: I'm going to tear it instead.
F: But Mommy CUTS it!
B: Sometimes I do things different from Mommy.
F: Why? Because you have shorter hair?

M wants to wipe the noodles off of every part of R's body before she gets out of her chair.
R wants to dance on the chair.
M starts to sound exasperated, catches herself, smiles.

M: I love you, R!
R: I know! You're lucky!

She does. She is.

We are gathering stray Easter eggs from Grammy's back lawn. F is holding a toy plastic golf club.

F: I have this hockey swatter so if I find any, I can kick them with it.

B: Hey! Why are you still naked?
F: I can't find any underwear.
B: There's some in your suitcase.
F: No there isn't.
B: What's going to happen if I look and I find some?
F: It will fart?

Scene: morning snuggle time.

F (to R, sweetly): I love you!
R (smiling): You're a little bit rubbery!
F (knowingly): Yeah.
F: You are a little bit rubbery, too.

Pause.

F (enthusiastically): Hey! Want to sing a song about poop?
F (encouragingly): It will be fun!
R: OK!

M (to F): How do you spell "fart?" F: (spells R's name)

B: Did anyone come visit while I was gone?

(No answer)

B: What about Uncle Mike?
F: Oh. Yeah.
B: Did anyone come with him?
F: Poppa. He wanted ice cream the whole time!

F just announced he was hungry, went to the fridge, and emerged with edamame and chocolate syrup.

F: What's a cat's favorite treat? A mice cream cone!
B: Did you make that up or did you hear it from someone?
F: I heard it from myself.

B: What was your favorite part of the museum today?
F (with most deadpan face and gloomy tone possible): I don't know. There was sooo much fun stuff to do there.

How I woke up this morning:

R: No! Don't play with my foot. It's not a toy.
M & F snickering.

Now R is holding her breakfast quesadilla upside down and shaking it so she can eat the beans that fall out.

F: I was just in New Jersey. That's kind of like saying "Neutral Jersey"
M: Neutral Jersey?
F: That's a real city. But where's China?

F: Why are we on Green Bay Road?
B: It's the fastest way to get from the Y back to our house. It goes almost all the way there.
F: But not ALL the way. You also have to turn on [names the other 3 streets we need to take home]. OR you could take [another valid route]. I like the first one because there's a sharp turn. But I like the second one because we see the climbing wall playground.

R: I have robbery leather!
B: You have what??

Shows me the bottom of her socks.

B: Oh. You have rubbery letters.
R: Yeah!

M: Do you want the brown tortillas or the green ones?
R: I want the brown ones. I love the brown ones.
F: I love the green ones. I think they're ripe!

R (calling from different room): I fell down!
B: Are you ok or do you need kisses?
R: Kisses!
F: Here, R, ride [the train he NEVER lets her ride]! It will take you to the kisses!

F&R appear, riding train together.
#MeltsMyColdColdHeart

Best part of tonight's bedtime? R's version of "Tangled Up In Suzanne's Blue Flying Shoes."

F: Annie, hurry! Get your gun!

Bedtime. I am trying to give Rosie her binky and bottle.

R (shaking her head vigorously, refusing my offerings): I not sleeping today.
Me: You're not sleeping today? What are you doing?
R (excitedly): I going to see Heidi and Sylvan!

In the car today:

F (patting his left leg): R! This is the left half of your body.
F (patting his right): And, this is your right half.
F (sadly): We don't have an East, West, or North...

Story time. Kids go pick their own books. R just came back with something by Kafka. Should I put more effort into making her feel empowered?

M is trying to get R enthused for her nap. Shows R an empty bottle

R: Milk it up, Mommy!

R's favorite joke for the past week or so. She keeps waking up from her nap and telling it to M.

R: What's a cat's favorite dessert? ... A mice cream cone!