F & R Figure Out the World

April 2015

Newest entries


B: What are they doing?
M: They're dogging a hole.
B: Why?
M: No idea.

Mud girl.

Note equipment pile.

F: Daddy, can we invite 13 people over?
B: When?
F: Right now!
B: Uh, why?
F: I'm trying to create quidditch!
R: Quidditch!
F: Yeah, I've got everything I need except other people and flying broomsticks!

Reach for the beach.

A billion thanks to Sonja for hanging onto my little ones until quite late.

B: You were pretty mad when we left, weren't you?
R: I think so. I didn't want to leave at first because I was so comfy, and also I was a little cold, but I wanted to walk home because it was a night walk and I LOVE night walks. And then you picked me up and took me to the door, and I made the cold arms when I went outside without my coat!
B: Yeah, I thought you were making the "I'm mad and I'm not cooperating" arms.
R (like she's talking to a 2-year-old): No, Daddy. Those arms have my hands in fists near my armpits. I was making those INSIDE when I wouldn't let you put my coat on. The cold arms have my hands grabbing my other arms really tight. That's what I was doing outside. And instead of putting my coat on me, you put my BOOTS on my feet first. THAT's why I was mad the whole way home.

In bed. This explains a LOT.

B: Now, tomorrow, I don't want you to look at the clock when you're deciding whether to get up or not. I want you to listen to your body, and if your body says it needs more sleep, you give it more sleep.
R: I will. But I never look at the clock in the morning. I look OUTSIDE at the LIGHT. If it's black, I stay in bed. If it's grey, then I know it's Mommy Snuggle Time!

B: Why did you guys bring a chainsaw??
R: We didn't!
B: Oh. Yeah. That's an oscillating saw, isn't it?
R: Daddy, it's a TOY! And anyway, it's the opposite of a chainsaw. This is for building!
B: What can you build with it?
R: I can build anything with it!
F: Oh yeah? Can you build the DNA code of life?
R: Of course!
F: Wrong! You don't even know what that is!
R: Yes I do! It's twisty!

View of the river and the lake.

F: Daddy, I like this movie.


F: Daddy, what's that?
B: The thing that looks like a spaceship?
F: No, that!
B: The big metal pile of stuff?
F: Yeah!
B: It's called Pritzker Pavilion. You don't think it looks like a spaceship?
F: It's too mish-mashed.
B: Maybe a crashed spaceship?
F: Nah, if it was a spaceship, it'd either be a lot bigger or a lot smaller.

F: Daddy, that sign is missing a word.
B: "Employees must wash hands."
F: Yeah. It needs a "their." Otherwise, the employees could wash SOMEBODY ELSE'S hands, and it would be fine with that sign, even though their hands would still be super yucky.

F: Daddy, while we're in Chicago, can we set up a lemonade stand?
B: Why in Chicago?
F: There's a LOT more people who walk by in Chicago than in Kalamazoo, so we'd sell a lot more lemonade.

B: How does this (Kazoo School playground) compare with the playground you were on this morning (Maggie Daley Park)?
F: Well, this one is better in the "being able to get around" category, and it's also better in the "not too crowded and not waiting in line for the slide" category, but the one from this morning won the "most cool stuff" category.

Dessert dissatisfaction.

F: Awww, man! This is just the INSIDE of a pie. I don't like the inside, I only like the top.

B (in the Voice of a Giant): What are those things on my porch? Are they food?!
R (also VoaG): We are not food. You may not eat us. We are human.
B: Human what?
R: Human children. You know us. Your wife borned us.

R: Daddy, you can't tell it's me, but I'm the Girl Princess disguised in Slime Green.

Spring break, the end.

R: I really liked that W came over to play today, but he didn't really play with me, just F. I didn't like that.
B: That's sort of how F felt when you and A played together, and he wanted to play with you guys.
R: Well, he could have played with us, if he wanted to be a princess. But all he wants to play is fighting games. Now, *I* like fighting games, because I'm a kimmick.
B: A kimmick? What's a kimmick?
R: You know, someone who's good at mixing fighting potions. And A didn't really have a person she could be. I mean, I guess she could have been a fighting princess, like I am sometimes. But F doesn't really like to play princess games.

R: Yay! Quesadillas!
B: Who makes the best quesadillas?
R: Daddy! And who makes the best Mommy?
B: Mommy!
R: Nope! It was Mommy's Mom!


F: Why do we have to brush our hair?
B: Because when you don't it gets full of knots and tangles.
F: Right. I get that. But why are knots and tangles bad?

B: Did you have fun digging holes?
R: We didn't dig holes, we played with clay!
B: Really? You played with Clay?
R: Yeah! It was super fun!
B: Were Stefanie and A and E there, too?
R: No!
F: Daddy, it wasn't the PERSON Clay, it was the ELEMENT clay!


B: If you could have a wild animal for a pet, which would you choose?
R: A cheetah!
B: A cheetah? Where would we keep it?
R: I don't know!
B: How about the play house?
R: Maybe. But I'd be worried about opening the door.
B: Because the cheetah would eat you?
R: No, it'd be my cheetah, so it wouldn't hurt me. I'd be worried that when I opened the door, it'd get out. Because it needs to run a lot.
B: What would you feed it?
R: Gazelles! Cheetahs eat gazelles!
B: Huh. Where would we keep those?
R: In the backyard. Because gazelles eat grass! And we have grass there?
B: Don't you worry that they'd run away?
R: Nah, if they started to run, we'd just let the cheetah out.

R: Daddy, noodles are my FRIENDS that I EAT! Do you get it? They're not really my friends, because they're not people or even animals. But I really love noodles because they're my favorite food, so I call them my friend. And the way I love them is I LOVE TO EAT THEM!

School pickup. Totally routine.

R: Daddy, I just love to play with your head!

R emerges with stuffed cat. "Catty" starts to lavish affection on B.

B: Aw, all this love from Catty is nice, but I'd rather have love from its mom... er, own..., er, are you Catty's mom or its owner?
R: I'm it's owner. I've only laid and hatched one cat egg in my life, and we got Catty out it. So I guess maybe I'm both. Catty loves you!

R: Catty is infinity years old. It knows everything! It learned it all from me.


B is walking upstairs, hears kids' electric toothbrushes. Hooray! The kids are actually doing what they're supposed to! Wait, B hears F's voice, clear as a bell.

B: Hey! F! Aren't you supposed to be brushing your teeth?
F: I am!
B: Then how are you talking? F: It's one of my skills!

F is intently reading to R from some Minecraft handbook or other, about creepers (those are things, right?)

B: F, I need you to [some task]
F: Can't it wait until I finish telling R about this? Oh, and also zombies too?
B: Finish this page, and then [do the thing]. R, are you paying attention to this?
R: Yeah (winks at B).

F smiles. R continues to pay F no attention whatsoever. She is playing with her airplane-shaped pasta and making flying noises. But hell, they're both happy.

R: Daddy, can you cut the tape that's holding this closed?
B: Sure. Um, why does this thing I'm cutting tape off of say "Margy?"
R: Cuz it's her Mother's Day present.
B: So, why are we opening it now? Also, don't you call her Mommy?
R: Yeah, I do, but I told her to write her name on a piece of paper, and that's what she wrote. And we're opening it so I can put this [never you mind what] in it. And also, so I can see what else is already in it, because I forgot.
B: Ok, it's cut.
R: Grrr, it won't open! It's open! And there's a [nevermind] in it! I must love Mommy so much!

It's a rough world. You've got to make the best of it.

Glancing at F's math homework. He wrote "Los dos araƱas tienen 15 patas."

B: 8 + 8 = 15?
F: No, one of the spiders lost a leg. So I had to do 8 x 2 - 1.
B: Wow. Is he ok?
F: Maybe? I mean, seven is more than most animals. It's even more than most bugs. So I suppose it could be ok.

And one more. Maybe I need to get my hearing checked?

R brings plastic bird to B

R: Listen to him blow. (Squeezes. Air comes out.)
B: Hey! The air isn't coming out of his mouth, it's coming out of his butt. He's not blowing, he's farting!
R: No, it's coming out of the front. Like a big cock.
R: He doesn't have a mouth, he's a bird, so he has a beak. Like a beakcock. You know. The bird with the really big tail with the eyes on it.

R is getting ready for school. Tromping around with one shoe on. (Note, these are her backup shoes. She has already lost her go-to shoes.)

R: Shoe! Oh shoe! Come here, shoe!
B: Which one is missing?
R: The OTHER one, Daddy.

R has two sticks (well, wood chips) in the back of the car.

R: Daddy, do you want me to make some music?
B: Of course!
R: Do you want clackity clack or zippity zip?
B: I don't know. Which one has singing?
R: Neither
B: Aw!
R: But you can order singing on the side.

Back to top

F & R Figure Out the World