F is JUST starting to figure out some words. He sounded out yes, web, some, pig, and spider yesterday (yes, I know you know what he's reading). This morning Grammy was helping.

G: Those three letters there, i-n-g, they make the ing sound. Do you know any words with this sound?
F: Yeah! England!

Kids taking turns making up sings in the car.

R: ...and I look up and see the trees as I float in the water. And I'm on my back so I have a pillow...
F: I saw all the bushes and the trees, and they were farting in public...
R: I'm in the branches of the trees and now I'm hitting the branches because I'm falling and I hit my head...

R: I like you Daddy!
B: And I like you, R! And I like you, F!
R: And Mommy likes herself!
B: And I like myself!
R: And I like myself!
F: I don't care about myself. But I like being alive.

R&F get treat at furniture store (who knew they have free treats?) (Margy, don't read this.)

F: We had the same amount, but I got more because I took smaller bites.

F: Are we going to buy a mattress, Daddy? If we do, how will we get it home? Will we tie it to the top of the car and turn on both of our turn signals?

New kind of applesauce. Different color.

F: I don't like this kind of applesauce!
R: I don't like this kind of applesauce! (takes bite anyway) But it's so yummy! ... I like this kind of applesauce!

Missed the beginning of this, but:

R: ... But you have iron teeth. Like grrrr, grrrr
F: Yeah, I'm bony legs

We are singing the "50 States and their Biggest Cities" song as F goes to bed. F is giggling uncontrollably.

B: What's so funny?
F: I'm excited to say "Albuquerque"!

R: I'm going to go swimming in the ocean, but I need you to catch me when I drown
F: We have to stay with Mommy and Daddy, and we can't scatter.
R: And if it's sunny, we have to wear sunglop

F: Daddy, the cherry pit bowl you gave me is made out of glass. I'm going to use this one instead. It's made out of plastic.
R: And it's made out of Dora!
F: It's not made out of Dora, she's just painted on.

R's first joke:

Hey, Mommy. Guess what? ... Boo!

F: Did you know that if you dial your own number you can talk to yourself on the phone?

R: When I grow up I'm going to be big and strong, like Uncle Rich!

Ready for a big adventure!

Out for a walk.

B: I bet I can get to Mommy and R before you!
F (runs about six steps and slows back to a walk): Let's not argue about who's faster anymore.

Same walk. F has started pushing R in the stroller.

F: What do want to do now, Daddy?
B: Keep walking, I guess.
F: Do you want to talk too?
B: Sure. What do you want to talk about?
F: How about something that's real in the world?
B: Like what?
F: Like a curb!

F: Now that Granddad left this world, is he going to another one?
Grammy: I don't, know, F. I hope so.
F: I really want there to be another world ... one without Russia!
B,M,G: ?!
F: There's dragons in Russia, and I'm scared of them
M: Oh. That's my fault. He asked me about Russia the other day and I told him about the parts where there's basically nobody. I said "For all we know, there's dragons there."

Out of the mouths of babes:

R: When I am full, I want chips.
R: Oh!

Learning from big brother:

R: I want to watch the movie!
B: Ok... Who's that in the movie?
R: Me!
F: Your name isn't "me". Your name is R.
R: Yeah. And I'm playing golf ball!
F: It's not "golf ball". It's called golf.
R: But I use a golf ball and I hit it with a golf-ball-hitter!
F: It's not a golf ball hitter. It's a club.
R: It's not a club! It's a stick!
F: Sticks aren't shaped like letter L. Only clubs are shaped like letter L.
R: Oh!

F: I like (my cousins) D&K!
R: I like D&K!
B: Why?
R: They're pink and purple!
F: They have a dog!
R: They're funny!
F: They fart on our heads!

R: I want my water in the elephant cup! I like elephants! They drink water! Through their NOSE! Out of a pool!

B: Look, F, R wants to go down the big tube slide.
F: It's really fast!
B: Do you want to be a helpy big brother?
F (tear-assing across the playground): R! I'm coming to help you! You're going to go down the scary fast slide on my LAP!

Struggling to explain to the 4-year-old why he's safe from lightning inside the car. He's balked at "Coulomb box", "electric field", and "Maxwell's equations".

R: F, I know why it's safe. I can tell you!
F: Why?
R: Because Mommy said it's safe.

Home to relieve the sitters at 9:30. Kids still awake.

R: The babysitter told me that you and Mommy said we should go to sleep. But I didn't believe her!

R: Uncle Rich is nice!
B: I knew you'd start to like him.
R: I don't like him. I just said he's nice.
B: You'll like him someday.
R: I'd like him if he didn't have a mouth and a nose.

F sitting, eating cookies.

B: There's (step-cousin and friend) K. Do you want to give her a cookie?
F: Hey, K. There's cookies over there (points to dessert tray on other side of room).

Comparing notes on Goldstein aunts and uncles (if your name didn't come up, I'm sure it's not because they forgot you, it's because we got to the playground)

F: There's Uncle Rich. I like him.
R: I don't like Uncle Rich.
F: And Uncle Michael. I like him because he calls me Frankenfurter
R: I like him because he plays with me
F: Aunt Nancy. I like her because she's D&K's mom.
R: I like Aunt Nancy because she's not scary like Uncle Rich.
F: And Uncle Kenny! I like him but I don't know why
R: I don't like him because he's a giant!
F: And Uncle Matt. I like him because he calls me Psycho.
R: I like Uncle Matt because he calls me Psycho too! (Note: he doesn't)
F: I like Aunt Mary because I like Uncle Matt
R: I like Aunt Mary because she lets me eat marshmallows.
R: If Uncle Matt called F Frankenfurter then he'd turn into Uncle Michael and then Uncle Michael would call him Psycho and turn into Uncle Matt!

F: I want to eat everything on the menu. I even want to eat the restaurant.
Grammy: But if you eat the restaurant, you can't ever come back because it'll be gone.
F: I want to eat this restaurant and then come back to it in my belly.

B: R, do you want some noodles for lunch?
R: No, they're too hot
B: Touch it. Is it hot?

(She does)

R: No, it's freezing!
B: Do you want to eat it cold?
R: No, I want you to heat it up and then I won't like it and I won't eat it and I can have raisins and water for lunch!

Ain't that the truth:

F: Daddy, I think you're better at getting R to sleep than Mommy is because you're boring-er than Mommy.

F's creation myth:

F: After everything was formed, there was a woman. And she had a lot of babies. And then Mommy had me and R.

And when everything was formed, there were no cars. They came down from outer space. And they crashed. And we had to fix them up.

And there were no houses either. They came down after the cars, and they crashed too, and we had to fix them up, too. Before the houses came down we had to live in cars.

R is feeling my face.

B: See? I finally shaved. Am I smooth now?
R: Daddy, you ARE smooth, except this part, between the two bumps?
B: Here? That's called the philtrum.
R: Daddy, you have a, one of those.
B: You have one too. (Takes R's finger, runs it over hers.)
R: Mommy, I have a...
B: Philtrum
R: Yeah, I have a filter!
M: What's that?
B: It's the ridge under your nose.
M (pointing): Here?
B: Yeah
M (pointing): And here?
B: No, that's called a nose.

R (while eating): It's ok if I get my clothes yucky because if I do, Mommy will wash them for me in the LAUNDRY!

I worry about disaster.

F: Daddy, I'm a superhero!
B: What are your superpowers?
F: Not seeing and running fast!

R: After I got out of the bounce house, I sat on the curb and I got a yucky thing. Mommy, where's my yucky thing? I want to play with it!

Things that don't look like problems, but are:

B: Looks like you guys are having fun up there.
R: We're up here because the dog can't get us up here.
B: But there's no dog here.
R: He might come back!
B: Probably not for a while. You can stay up there if you want, but you don't need to be scared of a dog that's not even here.
F: I can see another dog coming to the playground
B: Where? I don't see any
F: He's hiding!

My highlight of the day so far: coming up the stairs, R seeing me and yelling, "Daddy's home! Hooray!"

It was tempered a minute later by, "Mommy said we could go get ice cream when you got home, and now you're home, so we can go get ice cream! Hooray!"

Eating a crab Rangoon:

R: I don't like this food because it's slippery on the bottom.

F: Hey! I don't have a fork!

B: It's wrapped in your napkin
F (after much unwrapping): That's not a fork, it's a knife!
B: It's a knife that sure looks like a fork.
F: Yeah!
B: Can you eat with it?
F: Yeah!