I come downstairs from work. F is playing with a schoolbus.

F (rummaging): This schoolbus needs a weapon!
B: Why?

F finds a lego crossbow (why is there a lego crossbow? Why do we have it??)

F: Because there are bad guys. Daddy, do you have any tape?

F: Daddy, there's a hole in the bottom of the sea.
B: Oh. Have you been listening to that song?
F: Yeah. Daddy, one of them is the Mariana trench.

GPS: Red light camera reported ahead.
R: I love red light cameras!
B: Why?
R: Because I love red lights!
B: Why??
R: Because that's when Mommy gives me drinks of water and snacks!

B: R, it's time for your nap
F: No! She can't take her nap yet!
B: Why not?
F: We're still trapped on the creepy planet.
B: The what??
F: The creepy planet. We need our lightsabers to get back to the ship, and then we to fly back to earth (runs into the living room)! Hurry, R!

R does not hurry.

B: Are you going to fly back really fast with F?
R: There's no way.

R starts cackling and goes into the living room.

This is supposed to be the time shift where the kids sleep in, isn't it?

Woke up at the normal time (i.e. an hour earlier) to R screaming bloody murder.

Turns out F woke up super-early, wanted someone to play with, R didn't want to wake up, so he turned on the light. She didn't like that.

B: F, why are you up so early, anyway?
F: I don't know. Maybe there was something I wanted to do. Something I couldn't do while I was sleeping. But I thought of it while I was sleeping, so I had to wake up to do it.

R just came limping in from the living room, howling with pain. "I stepped on a Lego!" True pain, that.

Sibling rivalry highlights:

8:45 AM:

R (wandering from room to room): Daddy, where's F?
B: He's not here.
R: Did Mommy take him to school?
B: Yes, why?
R (with what can only be described as a maniacal expression): When he's not here, I can play with his toys.

11:45 AM:

F: Daddy, there's 24 hours in a day!
B: That's right
F: And I sleep 8 of them.

(We work out the math, and he realizes he sleeps more than 8.)

F: But, R needs more sleep than me, right?
B: She does.
F: So I should get up first. But R gets up first, and I don't like that.
B: When does R sleep when you're not sleeping.
F: Naptime. But I want more time when R is sleeping and I'm not.
B: Why?
F: So I can have Mommy all to myself.

F is sad this morning. B puts blue blanket on head.

B: Look! I'm a blue ghost!
R: No, Daddy, don't do that?
B: Why not?
B: Because I love you so much!

R: Om nom! I ate your hand!
B: How am I supposed to make you a peanut butter sandwich?
R: Use your head!

F (singing): I gave her a fart but she wanted my heart...

R and mommy are horsing around.

R: Mommy, do you like this?
M: No, I don't like that.
R: But, still...

R keeps doing it.

R puked in the night. M is puky now. M is eating a popsicle.
R & F's sixth sense activates.

F: Mommy! You're eating a popsicle. Can I have a popsicle too?
M: These are only for sick people.
R (literally jumping up and down with her hands in the air): I'm sick! I'm sick!

B in kitchen making breakfast, F&R in living room playing. R runs into kitchen.

R: Daddy, do you have a jetpack?
B: Of course!

R runs back into living room.

R: F! R2D2 has a jetpack!

R: Who wants to say moo?
M: Moo!
R: NO! I didn't say, "say moo!" I said, "Who wants to say moo!"
M: I do!
R: Yay!

(Pause)

R: Say it!

(Pause. R glares)

M: Oh. Moo!

R laughs

Someday I'm going to let them watch the Star Wars movies. Or, at least both good ones. Meanwhile...

F: Daddy, why is Luke Skywalker Darth Vader's son?
B: Well, everybody's SOMEBODY's son. (Oops.)
F: Not everybody. Some people are daughters. (Phew. Someone in the family who's not an idiot.)
B: Yes, of course. I was just wrong about that.
F: And some people are just people.
B: ...
R: And dogs! Some dogs are people!

B: Can you guys close your eyes and think of something that's red?
F: A fire!
R: A fire!
B: I was thinking of R's toy fire truck.
R: A fire truck!
B: How about something that's blue? R, you go first this time.
R: A blue fire truck!

Younger siblings really do learn a lot from the older ones. For example, F is currently teaching R how to put her feet on her face.

Egg hunt observations:

1. Total time, 13 min.
2. Eggs found in first 3 min, ~20
3. Eggs found in last 10 min, ~5
4. F finds way more eggs than R, not because he's older/faster, but because he doesn't stop after each find to open them and eat the candy inside.
5. R will ONLY pick up pink/purple eggs
6. When F finds pink/purple, he re-hides then. He picks way more diabolical places than I.
7. #5 no longer applies when all pink/purple eggs are found, as in:

R: Don't take that one! It's mine!
F: Why? It's orange!
R: It's mine because I like pink!

F: Daddy, R found a wiggle worm in the egg hunt!
B: Should we put it in the compost?
F: No, she should put it in a plant!
R: No! I want to put it in the iPod!
B: The iPod? That can't be what you mean. Can you show me?
R: The purple one!
B: We don't have a purple...
M (from other room): No! She is NOT putting a worm on my eye pillow!!

We go down and put it in the compost bin.

R: Daddy, I'm so proud of you for putting the worm in there!

I guess I'm proud of me, too

First day this year at this playground. He wasn't able to get this high last time.

R: Mommy, it's ok if you lose your mind. Because I know where it is.